New
by Some11995
Summary: What happens when Olivia runs into Kathy and finds out Elliot used her as a cover all these years. Everything is new to them. Set in the present day.
1. chapter 1

**Old author new tricks. Hope everyone enjoys!**

Olivia hadn't really thought about Elliot Stabler in several months, which was good for her. She kicked herself as his image was brought to the forefront of her memory when she saw a little blonde haired boy playing at the park near her son. She was reminded that Eli would be much older than this toddler, and she was also reminded she had been forced to miss out on the child's life. A child that, until Noah, she viewed as the closest she would come to children of her own. The thoughts of Elliot used to plague her at every turn, even when things were good. She would recall a joke, or feel the need to share something with him and was brutally brought back to reality. Since Noah, she had only briefly imagined what her life would look like if Elliot had not left. She always imagined that she wouldn't have been kidnapped if Elliot had been there, that she wouldn't have dated that scumbag Cassidy. That she would have maybe, in her deepest crevices hoped that she and Elliot might have taken a step together. Sometimes Olivia found herself blaming Elliot. She blamed him for leaving her, and sometimes she blamed him for not rescuing her. Sure she managed to escape on her own, but Elliot could have stopped it from happening if he just hadn't left in the first place.

She shook her head to rid herself of the thought. Olivia smiled as she watched her little Noah play with the little blonde boy that reminded her of Eli. She imagined the boys would be friends if Elliot hadn't left her. Elliot left her. She needed to get her mind off him.

Olivia walked towards the boys who had barley spoken, but had obviously bonded over sharing the toy truck, "Noah, who is your friend?"

Noah shrugged ignoring his mom, "Noah you know you should always introduce yourself right?"

The little blonde boy looked up smiling at her, "I'm Tom!"

"Hi Tom, nice to meet you! I'm Olivia and this is Noah." Tom looked at both of them then continued to play in the sand ramming the truck into the side of the sand box.

Olivia perched herself on the edge of the sandbox watching the small boys interact. She couldn't shake the overwhelming feeling that this little boy reminded her of Eli.

"Olivia?" A female voice asked from just outside Olivia's field of vision. She would recognize that voice anywhere. Kathy.

"Kathy?" She turned startled, towards the older blonde woman.

"What on earth are you doing here?" Olivia began to panic; she hadn't spoken to any of the Stabler's since before Elliot left. The closest she had come was when she dropped off the box of Elliot's things at the front door of their family home. She didn't even bother ringing the bell. She drove in the middle of the night and sat outside for over an hour to make sure no one was awake and would catch her dropping off the last of his things. She had avoided the family at all costs, which wasn't hard since she knew Kathy especially was not her biggest fan. Elliot seemed to have joined that fan club after leaving though.

Olivia's long silence prompted Kathy to speak again, "Elliot isn't here, don't worry." Relief must've flooded Olivia's face because Kathy took the opportunity to perch herself beside her.

"Mommy can I have a juice?" Noah asked, he stood before Olivia and Kathy covered in sand. Olivia reached over to her bag and pulled his cup from the side. Without saying a word she held it for him and returned it when he was done.

"So you have a son." Kathy more stated than asked.

"Yeah." Olivia replied without glancing towards the blonde.

"Is he Elliot's?" The question was so unexpected Olivia nearly fell over. How could this woman even think such a thing? How could she even begin to believe that Elliot and she were anywhere close to being intimate especially when he had left her the way he had. She felt her blood boil at the thought. She wanted to punch Kathy at that moment, but instead she laughed.

"Yeah Kathy, because I haven't spoken to Elliot in over 6 years, but I had his love child three years ago." Kathy's eyes pierced the side of Olivia's head.

"It hasn't been 6 years." Kathy stated after a long pause.

"Kathy, no offence, but I think I know how long it's been since Elliot left the squad."

"Since he left the squad? Olivia he was staying with you! He left his family to be with you. He just now has started to build back his relationship with his kids. He missed two years of Eli's life and I can only assume it was to be with you."

For the first time Olivia turned her head to fully face Kathy, "Have you lost your mind?" Olivia's mind was swimming; he had left his family? He had obviously told Kathy that he was living with her. He used her as a cover up to ditch his family? How could this be? How could he have so blatantly lied to everyone in his life without even the slightest remorse? He could have at least filled her in on the plan before using her as an excuse to leave his wife and children. He could have at least said goodbye to her.

"Kathy, I have not spoken to him since he left the squad. I tried calling and texting but after a month I got sick of the lack of response. He hasn't reached out, he doesn't even know where I live now. Noah is my son, not Elliot's or anyone else's for that matter." Olivia started to get heated again, the thought of her being demonized for something she most certainly did not do was beyond her wildest imagination. She could not begin to understand why or how this was happening.

"Noah, come on. We are leaving."

"But mommy!" Noah wined not wanting to leave his new friend Tom.

"Noah." Olivia gave him her best 'mom' look. Noah huffed and picked up his truck from the ground, "Say goodbye to Tom."

"Bye Tom"

Kathy then spoke, "Say goodbye Tom."

"Bye," replied Tom. Olivia's eyes quickly darted between the pair. Kathy saw the terror in Olivia's eyes.

"He's not Elliot's either." And with that Olivia left, well more like ran from the park. Noah was at the question age and continued to ask question after question about random things. Olivia usually enjoyed the questions, it made her happy to help the little boy learn about anything and everything, but right now she had questions of her own. She thought about the way she had recognized Tom from all the way across the park, she remembered how he looked so much like Eli. It all made sense now, well not all, but that one particular aspect. Tom wasn't Elliot's? Kathy had made it pretty clear that she and Elliot were no longer together, but the thought of there being another child that looked like a Stabler, that wasn't a Stabler was astounding. She briefly thought of how Elliot would be dealing with Tom, but reminded herself that she didn't care. She didn't care what Elliot did; she didn't care now because just in that short conversation she had learned what a true bastard he could be. He had used her without her even knowing it. Just then a foreign number appeared on her screen. She cleared her throat, assuming it was a work related call, and hushed the ever-talking Noah.

"Benson." She answered as she always did.

"Liv…" The voice that she hadn't heard in years, that one voice that she swore she didn't care about anymore, that she swore she would never hear from again rang through the speakers. As quickly as she answered she hung up. She stood for a moment on the sidewalk completely still.

"Mommy you're hurting my hand!" She looked down and realized she had been squeezing Noah's hand as a means of grounding herself. She released his hand and scooped him up perching him on her hip. She disregarded the amount of sand that was now covering her sides from his shoes and dirty pants. She kissed his temple and hurried home, feeling more exposed than she had in quite a while. When she reached her apartment she set Noah down to retrieve her keys. Her mind was racing at the events of the day, but she had a child and he needed her more.

Earlier*

Kathy watched Olivia's retreating form. She couldn't imagine why Olivia would so blatantly lie to her, then the thought crossed her mind: what if Olivia wasn't lying to her. She had no reason to lie and Kathy had always believed Olivia to be a trustworthy person. She had never caught Olivia in a lie unlike her husband who would lie about the color of the sky. She sat for a moment with her son still playing and decided to ask Elliot herself.

"Kathy, what's up?" Elliot answered on the second ring.

"You'll never guess who I just ran into." Elliot's heart thudded in his chest. He had always dreaded this day. He had convinced himself that this day might never come, but since Kathy moved to the city to be with her new husband, he felt this day was imminent.

"Who?" He played dumb acting like he didn't already have his shoes on ready to run if he needed to.

"Olivia." It had been years since he had heard someone utter her name. He could actually directly pinpoint the last time he heard her name. It was the second time she had been kidnapped, her photo was suddenly plastered on his TV screen for the second time since he left her. He watched as the investigation unfolded and when she was finally found. He watched as they paraded her in front of the cameras with blood spattered all over her face. He could feel his heart breaking yet again for the woman he left, but he couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone. He knew he was a selfish bastard.

"Oh." Was all he managed to squeak out.

"So do you want to tell me which one of you is lying?"

The full gravity of the situation hit him. He realized Kathy must've told Olivia what his cover story had been. He realized Olivia was probably on a warpath at the moment. His selfish ways had yet again caught up with him.

"Kathy what the hell did you tell her?"

"The truth Elliot, or what I was told at least. It sounds like you should've gotten clearance from your imaginary girlfriend before telling you're ex wife lies." Elliot hung up the phone. He began pacing around his studio apartment, he thought of how he had used both women for his own agenda and how awful of a person he had been to both of them. He had to talk to her; he had to explain why he had done what he did.

He dialed her number; the number he had dialed so many times but had never been able to call. He dialed her number and pressed send.

"Benson." She answered, and his heart nearly stopped. He had only been able to catch her voice here and there on the television when she held a press conference. Breathing wasn't an option when he heard her voice. He recalled one day in a coffee shop he heard her voice come over the TV and he nearly spit out his coffee. That had been the first time he heard her speak since he left the squad.

"Liv…" His voice cracked as he thought about his next words. He thought of how carefully to word them so as to not get hung up on--

CLICK*

He should've known better than to expect after 6 years that she would take his call.

This was going to be harder than he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Shaking, Olivia threw her keys and purse on the counter followed by the diaper bag she hauled around whenever she had the chance to take Noah out for the day. Noah had already tracked an enormous amount of sand through the living room to rush and continue playing before his mommy called for a nap. Olivia took a moment, her hands pressed on the cool counter top attempting to ground herself, to just think. She allowed herself to replay the conversation she had with Kathy where she had been virtually called an adulterous whore. She might be exaggerating things, but she didn't care. She didn't care because when it came to Elliot the only way to get past him was to blatantly not care about him anymore. She had trained herself to block out all the good times she had with him, and to imagine him as dead. She wished he were dead right now. That would make this whole situation easier. Every time she started to feel like she had moved past him, past the hurt, past the past, he would some how worm his way back into her psyche without her permission. He always did things without permission though because he was a selfish bastard.

"Time for a nap Noah." As young as Noah was he could tell his mothers tone of voice very well. She loved that about him and found it incredibly annoying. He knew when he could milk her for "just one more story" but he also knew when an argument was not in his best interest. This was the latter. He ran straight down the hall to his room where Olivia caught him and changed his clothes for his nap. She read him a quick story and darkened the room as best she could with it still being bright out. He was exhausted from the park and fell asleep without any fuss. Olivia loved him more than anything in the world and watching him sleep after the events of the day was exactly what she needed. His hair cast over his closed eyelids and she gently brushed the offending hair from his face. Noah rolled to his side making a small noise and Olivia smiled. She loved his little noises and loved that he was all hers. This little boy never knew a time when Elliot was a part of her life, and she was thankful for that. She was never "Benson and Stabler" to Noah, she was just the all-powerful mommy who chased bad guys and made the best blueberry pancakes in the world. Though she had sometimes entertained the thought of what her life would be like if Elliot had helped her raise Noah, she knew this was how she wanted it. Elliot had just placed, in stone, the fact that she never wanted him anywhere near her son. He could not be trusted.

Elliot sat deciding his next move for several hours. He bounced various scenarios off his empty apartment, each ending worse than the last. If he told her the truth, she would hate him and if he lied to her, he might as well just not tell her anything in the first place. His planning was put to a halt when he thought about how he would even get her to talk to him. She hadn't even bothered to entertain the idea that she might not even listen to him. She had already hung up on him before he could begin any sense of a story, and maybe he was underestimating his impact on her life. Maybe she didn't want to ever see him again, and it wasn't just because he left her. Maybe she really didn't care for him anymore and would rather continue pretending he didn't exist. This couldn't be though, because he thought of her every day since he left and he couldn't let her go even after all of these years. He left her though. That was his choice. And he could not be trusted.


	3. Chapter 3

A knock brought Olivia from her tranquil rest next to Noah on his cramped toddler size bed. She rolled Noah to his side and off the crook of her elbow. She silently cursed as she tripped over the scattered blocks and tried her best to keep quiet so Noah could continue to nap. She knew, whether she admitted it or not, she knew who had to be on the other side of that door. She checked the peephole and her breath caught in the back of her throat.

Elliot decided then and there he was going to make her listen to him. He was going to force her to sit down and listen to his explanation and then if after that she wanted him to leave he would. He realized he didn't know where she lived anymore. He hadn't thought about it, but her life might look completely differently than it had before he left her. He thought about asking Fin or someone from the squad for her new address, but Munch was the only one who he still would randomly speak to and Elliot knew he wouldn't get an address from Munch without an explanation directly to him. He didn't have time for that. He decided to find the property records to see if she had purchased anything recently. Bingo. He found her apartment with minimal effort and scratched down the address, taking note of the multiple bedrooms. It was surprising to him that she needed more than two bedrooms; her old apartment consisted of only one, so three seemed unnecessary. He ignored the nagging feeling telling him to call his search off and hopped in his car typing her address into his GPS.

The drive was uneventful and while he thought of a few things he would say to her, he mostly just thought of her face and how lovely it would be to see her again. He ignored the sensation that kept inviting him to think about the woman he left behind and what his life would look like if she were still in it. He hoped she would welcome him back like an old friend, but in the back of his mind he knew that would never happen.

His sedan came to a halt in front of her building in the first available parking space. He all but ran up the flights of stairs until he reached her door. He remembered knocking many times on Olivia Benson's door, but was not used to seeing letters differing from the typical 4E that normally donned her door. He also noticed the floor mat outside that read a cheerful "Welcome!"

He hesitated a moment, but before he could change his mind his fist pounded on the door. Elliot was in utter shock at his own body's movement and almost felt the need to run that is until he heard a small clatter from inside. He watched a shadow grace the bottom of the door and held his breath.

Olivia was brought back from all the fighting, all the terrible memories, and all the pain to a moment when she really loved the man standing outside her door. She could hardly move as she took in his distorted appearance through the peephole. He wore a simple grey t-shirt and jeans, something she would've seen him wear as he was leaving the precinct or had been called in the middle of the night. For her this was the Elliot she like the most, the casual Elliot who didn't intimidate her, or belittle her, or even leave her.

"Liv…" She heard a raspy voice call from just beyond the door, "I know you're in there, I can see your shadow." She had been caught, though she didn't care. At this point why would she care? He had no right to stand outside her door and make her feel guilty for not allowing him access to her life again after 6 years of nonexistence. She remained silent as he leaned his head on the door, a perfect mirror of her own. He blew out a breath that fogged the peephole slightly. Olivia took a step back from the door running her fingers through her hair trying to decide the best way to approach the situation.

Elliot tapped his fingers on the door watching the floor as her shadow retreated. She could just leave him out there, he hadn't thought of that. He at least expected her to yell, to slam the door in his face, but leave him with absolutely nothing? He didn't expect that.

Olivia thought about her options and finally decided if she didn't answer she didn't have to deal with him, though seeing him through the tiny hole in her door was enough to cause memories to slam back into her. She stood a few feet back from the door breathing in small bursts so he couldn't hear her. She fully planned on waiting until he left to move again, that is, until Noah began to cry.

Elliot was deciding his next move when he heard an unfamiliar sound escaping from the apartment. He heard a child's cry. He shoved his ear hard against her door to check to make sure it was in fact coming from Olivia's apartment. Maybe he had gone to the wrong one and this was someone else's. Maybe he had just terrified some poor woman and her child. Maybe he should've called Munch and asked for her address instead of relying on the city clerks office's records. He began to retreat when he heard her.

"Shhh, its okay sweet boy, go back to sleep mama's got you." He wished he could forget her voice, that thick mellow voice that she used with victims and children when they were upset. He wished he could forget it because it was what haunted his every dream. That voice was the one he fanaticized she would use when he would ask for forgiveness.

Mama. That was what she said. She was a mama. She had a child. Elliot couldn't believe his ears when those words resonated through the thick door and pierced his eardrums. How could he do this to her? He didn't even know her anymore. She was a child's mother and he was selfishly willing to force himself back into her life without thinking of the consequences. He started to leave when to his surprise the door swung open.


End file.
